It was Thursday, April 27
and I knew that my friend is having his first radiation
treatment. For the next six weeks, he will be subjected
to scorching rays to stop the growth and remove the
cancerous cells on his voice cords.
I found my self shocked. I
had never been that close to cancer. At my request, my
friend kept me updated often on his therapy progress and
his own feelings and observations. I learned about the
initial patient preparation, the sounds of the X-Ray
machine shooting the first burst of rays, the rotation
of the ray gun to the other side of his body and the
buzzing sound of another shot. This became a part of his
everyday routine for next six weeks.
Shortly after he began his
treatments, I discovered that my own health was not in
the best shape. I continued my struggle with depression
and new problems were discovered. High blood pressure
was right here. I was facing several tests and weeks of
“trial and error” of different medicine combinations.
Reports from my friend were
not very uplifting. Soon I began feeling numb every time
I had an update email from him. I read them with
anticipation of good news. But as time went on, the news
was more and more painful - the pain, loss of weight,
loss of voice, burned skin on his neck, and more pain.
My own depression was bringing
me to my knees. I was in panic and pain; I could not
write an answer to my friend’s emails. I didn’t want to
talk and he could not talk. We were drifting into our
own worlds of misery.
And then, at the end of May
he sent me an email with this comment about his own
“Within a few months I came to realize that all the
bad feelings I was having were generated within me. They
were not coming from outside. I determined to stop that,
and in time, I did. You can do it too.
I also find that keeping busy takes my mind off all my
troubles. I have only one track in my mind, and if it is
full of a project, I cannot think of anything else.
Now, my current problem: I have determination like
steel. I attribute this determination to my military
training. I will eat if it kills me. I may not eat as
much, but I will get by long enough to get through
During the first week of
June my friend sent me an article to publish on this
website. It is on making a
Walking Stick. I knew that
he was telling me to get up and walk again. So I tried…
and I walk again.
July 22, 2006